i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My balls are so social today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
