i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
