Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
