Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
