I didn't shave. On purpose
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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