That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
