The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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