sarcasm needs its own font
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
