Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
