nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
