I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
