yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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