Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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