It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
