at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
