she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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