you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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