KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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