Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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