Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
