i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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