my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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