I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
