i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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