JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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