Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
