you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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