Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
