I want to have your abortion
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
