When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
