i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
