it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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