i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
