Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
