Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
