Is it because I queefed?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
