just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm passing your future prison.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
