Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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