Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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