She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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