11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
