yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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