just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
