Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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