This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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