theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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