Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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