My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
