He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
