well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want a musical about memes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
