You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
