She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
