Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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